Java, Java, Java...

"I'd stop drinking coffee, but I'm no quitter."  ~Anonymous

After three months I'm back to drinking the brew... the café ... the ink ... the java ... the joe ... the mud ... the perk ... the varnish remover.  Can you tell?

I thought it was time to take a break from the stuff, so I did. I heard it's a big deal giving up coffee, but I just didn't see it that way at all. 

Honestly, I barely noticed a difference. Well, except for the 3 day non-stop headache right after... but other than that, no difference whatsoever. 

Or maybe me hitting the snooze button more than once or twice, sometimes three times in the morning once I realized there was no coffee waiting to be made. It was perfect, I got caught up on some needed sleep. 

During my three month coffee hiatus I enjoyed drinking tons of healthy green tea. Everyone knows green tea is good for you, right? Well, minus the 6 pounds I lost because of it. (Note to self: too much green tea can curb one's appetite.)

Like I said earlier, quitting coffee was a breeze. After a few weeks I hardly remember I drank the stuff... it was really no big deal. 

That was until I came in contact with the coffee drinkers. There seemed to be so many of them around these days... touting their warm cup of dark love in a mug... (ahem) anyway, I just had to stay clear of them. Simple. 

I was quite successful. Until recently... as I did my errands, lo and behold, my bank office was offering free courtesy coffee. When did this start?! Fine. I decided to use the ATM instead.

Next stop. As I dropped off my TV cable box, what did they have brewing while I waited in line? You guessed it. No problem. I held my breath. It comes easy when you're a mouth breather.

So on to my last stop. Picking up some fresh bread from the supermarket bakery for dinner... and guess what? They had courtesy coffee right by the donuts! Huh?  Call me crazy, but aren't you suppose to buy coffee at a supermarket? 

OK, I thought that last one was just weird! And why all the free coffee all of a sudden? It was like I was in the movie The Invasion of the Body Snatchers and the pods were the coffee...

Curse you, coffee drinkers!

Like I said, I lasted three months. Had my first cup of coffee during lunch... thanks to Sweetbay.

Just so you know, I CAN stop whenever I want to. I did it once, I can do it again.... I can!

A Culinary Byte

"No one is born a great cook, one learns." ~ Julie Child

I grew up around great cooks. Both my parents could cook, my grandmother, my grandfather, my aunts... everyone. My family was known for its cooks... really good ones.  I guess that's why I never thought about learning how. Who needed another cook when there were so many around? Until I moved out on my own... 

That's when I began missing all that good food. I was working a lot and didn't always have the time to cook myself a decent meal, so I ate whatever was easiest. I realized quickly being around such good cooks, I had developed very sophisticated taste buds. Pop tarts and instant meals just wasn't cutting it for me. But I had a problem... I couldn't cook. 

I occasionally treated myself to a "decent" meal at good restaurants, but doing that too often left me broke. I think it took marriage and two toddlers for me to finally decide to take learning how to cook a bit more seriously. 

I had decided to start off slow. I watched cooking shows for quite awhile without cooking anything. My husband joked about the amount of cooking shows I watch versus what I actually cooked. But I had decided I wasn't cooking anything unless I was confident it would turn out well.

Looking back, that may have been a mistake, but I did finally build up the courage to make something I had seen made several times. I decided my first meal would have to be an easy one, so I chose one I could whip up in 30 minutes with as few ingredients as possible... nothing overwhelming. It turned out to be a great success because it tasted good and was easy to make. 

From then on the criteria for any recipe I would try would be it taste good and is easy to make. When I go online and research recipes I always use these two phrases.  I check the rating and read most of the reviews before I commit to making a new recipe. Using this method I have yet to make a bad meal for my family.

Now that I got the hang of cooking simple meals, I've started making up recipes of my own. Though my cooking transformation happened later than I had liked, I am much more grateful for what I have learned and I won't be be taking cooking for granted again.

Learning from their mom's experience (or lack there of), my kids are much more comfortable in the kitchen than I was at their age. They are more motivated in making their own meals, because like me, they enjoy eating good food. 

Cooking has now become my passion. I love finding new recipes, trying them out, tweaking them, making them my own. I think the added joy of cooking for me is the time I get to spend enjoying what I make with the people I care about. That's what cooking food is all about anyway. 

Years later, I'm proud of my cooking. I've created many great meals... 

... and so can anyone.

With all that's available for free, there's no need to take a cooking class. Like me, you can teach yourself through cooking shows, culinary web sites, and free online cooking classes (which comes in handy when you need to press the pause button). 

I've listed useful sites for any novice cooks looking to improve their cooking skills:

America's Test Kitchen: Free Online Cooking School

AllRecipes.Com: Quick and Easy Recipes

The Reluctant Gourmet: Cooking Tips

And my all time favorite: Food Network

If you'd like more information on how to create a meal plan (which helps when you are on a budget), you can read about that on my blog, Thanking God For The Dust Bunnies.

I hope this blog has inspired many a future cooks! In the words of a well-known, yet late blooming cook herself, Julia Child, "Bon Appétit!"

To Read Or Not To Read? Such A Silly Question!

"A house without books is like a house without windows." ~ Horace Mann

You may have guessed from today's title, the topic is about books. Why books? Because I adore books. I can't get enough of them. Frankly, I'm addicted to them!

My love for books began as soon as I learned to read. Being the oldest child with a baby sister too young to understand playing pretend, I had a lot of free time to develop my imagination. 

I remember as a very young child I'd imagine daring adventures and lengthy dialog with invisible friends (which worried my mother). I drew pictures of the imaginary places I visited, sharing with my mom all the details of everything that "happened" there. 

I'd even tried to tell my stories to my baby sister, but she would just stare at me, babbling and drooling away, eventually managing to crumble one of my drawings and place it in her mouth. 

That didn't discourage me at all. I'd just start another adventure with more wild tales and drawings of magical places. It was fun to play pretend. I remember those days fondly, when it was OK to daydream.

I learned soon enough that daydreaming attracted unwanted attention from my teachers. I managed to make good grades, which satisfied my parents, but focusing on what was going on in the classroom was sometimes a struggle... except for storytime! That was the only time during my school day I was allowed to daydream with impunity.

Then one fateful day my first grade class took a field trip to the local library. Walking through those doors was like being translated into a magical land and every book it's own adventure. I may have been the only students that year that consistently turned in extra credit book reports. The library had become like my second home.

Throughout my middle and high school years I could be found at the local library at least two or three times a week. I decided to work one summer at the main library just so I could be near books. I became a veracious reader, my favorites being the classics and history. I spent most my adolescence years with my nose buried in a book.

It may seem boring to some, but I had a great childhood thanks to books. I credit them for my good grades because I could find a book on any subject I needed. Not only were they useful academically, they sparked my creative interest in music and art, which made life interesting and learning about something new fun.

Books have molded me into a life-long learner. As a mom that homeschools four kids, I'm still learning from books. My passion for learning is why I homeschool. I desire to pass my love of learning on to my kids.  

Books are not only for education. They provide great entertainment when I need to unwind.  After a busy day of homeschooling, errands, phone calls etc., reading a book instantly relaxes me.  The words on the page make me forget, as long as I'm reading, about everything that went on before.

That's why I buy several books a month, to my husbands chagrin. My husband enjoys books too, but he's not as obsessed as I am. Between his and my books, we could fill a whole room... and one of these days we will. A room just for books!

Until then, the books that don't fit on the bookshelves are piled up by my bedside, stacked in our closets, shoved in and under our desks... any place where there's room. 

Should we get rid of some books to make more room? Never! They are like my babies, I couldn't give them up! All you bibliophiles out there understand me.

Uh...wait a minute.... I think I hear the mailman. Could he be delivering the book I ordered online?  No, not this time. That's OK. I'll just trot on over to my local Barnes & Noble. Maybe we'll bump into each other there...

Thanking God For The Dust Bunnies

My Housework Schedule:

Today - do what I absolutely have to do. Someday when I have time - do everything else.
(Denny Davis)

I've often been asked how in the world have I've been able to homeschool four children, manage to keep a clean home, have a good marriage and family life while helping out at church... and NOT go insane. 

Before I answer, I start out by asking them a question, "Do you want the short answer or the long one?" You see, I determine my answer based on theirs. If they want the short answer, then I tell them it's all about organization. Quick, simple, and to the point. Exactly what they wanted. But for those brave few who really want to know, I start with the cold hard truth. 

From my experience I've realized those who want quick solutions can't handle my answer and end up not taking any of the advice they asked for. So to save me the energy, I first test the waters to see how much they're really willing to sacrifice to acquire the results they want in life. When I'm convinced they mean serious business, that's when I spring it on them. 

That's when I tell them the unvarnished truth. I basically tell them to prepare themselves in advance... for a breakdown. Yes, I'm serious.

Anytime we determine in ourselves to do something exceptional in this world, a breakdown of every unstable thing we put our trust in is inevitable. The key to overcoming it is to accept in advance that it will happen. Once we survive and learn from it, our goals become suddenly achievable. 

You're probably wondering, "What does having a breakdown have to do with running a home smoothly?" 

Our undoing teaches us some very important lessons so we can do the job well. Some lessons like....

• realizing we can't do everything alone
• learning to finally say "no" without guilt
• learning we are happiest when we abandon the need to measure up to other women
• acknowledging and accepting our weaknesses - that's it is OK not to be perfect
• seeing the need for and desiring growth in our now exposed weak areas

It's during those mini breakdowns that we begin to understand that it's our humility, not perfectionism, that supply us the ability and strength needed to accomplish the goals we set out for our family. That's when we make peace with our imperfections and actually start thanking God for the dust bunnies.  

But when we forget the lessons that we've learned and start trying to do God's job for Him again, soon enough we are reminded that He's the only perfect One qualified for it! 

In a nutshell, the most important ingredients to keeping our family strong is through our humility and reliance on God. Both provide the strong foundation for a solid and happy family life. 

In the next part of my blog I want to share the tools I've gathered over the years that are in what I call my "family toolbox". These tools, along with humility and trust in God, have helped to build and strengthened me and my family.

The first tool (which I believe should be a part of every family's toolbox) is the Word of God. Reading and following scripture provides the foundation needed to cultivate an atmosphere of peace and harmony in our home. 

Daily reading of scripture lays the groundwork for character development in both us as parents and our children, and provides the framework for individual maturity and personal success. 

I recommend everyone in a family have their own daily devotions. I suggest using a reading plan that each member of the family enjoys and writing down what God shows them in their own journal. Hearing God's voice daily keeps everyone on the right track throughout the day.

An excellent (and free) reading plan I follow online is The One Year Bible Plan. I like this plan online because I can read the Bible in a year in any version I want and listen to it audibly whenever I need to.

Aware that our time here on earth is short compared to eternity, I try to be a good steward by using it wisely. Once our time is lost we cannot buy it back, which is why in my opinion time is more valuable than money.

So the next tool in my family toolbox is following a daily routine. By planning personal devotions, family time, time with my spouse, etc., makes these things a priority and helps ensure that they actually happen. 

The best way to create your own family routine is to list those priorities that are non-negotiable first, then use that list as a guideline to building a daily routine. I also recommend involving your family in this process.

Any routine that is overwhelming is not doing it's job properly. To make a routine that really works, schedule breaks in between chores or events to give you and your family enough time without feeling hurried or stressed. Remember, the goal is to be with your family, not to just get the chores done.

Here are some additional tips for making a daily routine that works to serve you and your family, instead of the other way round...

• Pick up the house the night before - make it a family bedtime routine; assign each family member an area of the house
• Get at least eight hours of sleep the night before - this is crucial, you won't be at your best the next day if you're exhausted
• Schedule time at the feet of Jesus each morning - set your alarm early enough so you can have time alone for devotions and to look over your 'to-do' list before the kids wake up
• Eliminate distractions - this is a tough one, but crucial in eliminating stress. No television, Internet surfing, time on the telephone just "shooting the breeze" for no good reason, shopping just for fun (this includes online browsing) and NO Facebook. Schedule set times in your routine for all these things so they don't take time away from what you need to get done and from time with your family
• Plan things you need to get done in advance - keep a notebook with a list that you cross off, or it can be as "serious" as an official planner where you have the weeks and months mapped out with your priorities and goals
• Schedule time for yourself daily in your your routine

Below shows my daily routine at a glance.

I schedule several breaks for myself throughout the day. I do this so I don't get burnt out. Being an introvert (read my blog, Finding Freedom In My Hamster Ball, for more on Introversion), I have to make sure I take time out throughout the day to recharge. 

I do most of my errands, library, park, medical appointments, etc. between 2-4 pm. If my family has nothing scheduled on a particular afternoon, we all do what we like for the day. Remember, your routine is your best friend, not your taskmaster. Try to leave pockets of time open throughout the day for unexpected emergencies and some spontaneity. 

Everyone has their own unique groove. Find yours and stick with it as much as possible.  I say "no" to a lot of "extra stuff" that other folks are doing.  Summers are the exception, but during the school year, we don't do a lot of running around. (Are you trying to be like other parents? Quit that!)

Next in my family toolbox is my organizer binder and meal planner. These are used for my long term planning.

I take 15-2o minutes a week to review and update my binders. Everything I need to get things done, including homeschool (I follow the Charlotte Mason Method if you're curious), is placed in my binder. I've been using binders for several years now. 

To best explain the use of binders, I've included this link, The Peaceful Mom Brain In A Binder. There's many ways to organize a binder so don't feel you have to do it this way.  I also use a great free website for printing up my own custom planners. 

To save myself from hearing those dreaded words, "What's for dinner tonight?", I use a second binder that has twenty-one simple meals (which I've acquired over the years) that I printed up and rotate through. 

My weekly shopping list is made on the computer three weeks in advance and rotated as well. When I'm ready to go shopping I just take that week's list from my binder, check off what I already have in the house and head out the door. 

FYI: Many of my recipes have 5 ingredients or less (not including salt and pepper), which saves me a lot of time and money at the supermarket. I use my crockpot A LOT, which saves me time spent in the kitchen. 

Another time saver is not having to cook every night of the week. This affords me the ability (and energy) to take part in any last minute family activities without feeling stressed about needing enough time to cook. 

I cook only four nights a week. Tuesdays through Sundays, two days on and one day off. The days off are reserved for leftovers (I always double my recipes so we have plenty of leftovers). Monday nights are soup and sandwich nights, which not only help saves us money (especially if it's homemade, which I do), my family sees it as a treat and looks forward to it weekly .

Next in my toolbox is teamwork. Every able body is enlisted for daily chores. Housework responsibility is divided out according to age and what each kid is physically able to do. Below is a sample of one of the kid's "to-do list". You may notice it's been scribbled on (which tends to happen). I print out new ones every so often.

The kid's 'to-do' list does not include any of the outdoor chores or special projects their dad has for them. They report directly to him for those. 

We do our major house cleaning maybe 3 or 4 times a year. It's during those "big cleans" we allow our kids the opportunity to make money by selling the stuff they don't use or want in our yard sales. This has been pretty effective in motivating them to de-clutter their rooms on their own!

I hope these examples help show how planning ahead can make the things you have to do easier and take less time so you can enjoy doing more of what you want to do with your family. And that's what having a daily routine is really about anyway.

The last two, but very important tools in my family toolbox is spending quality time with my husband and time alone pursuing my own hobbies and interests. 

At least twice a week my husband I spend time together without the children. Time together doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive. It can be as simple as taking a walk through the park downtown, strolling on the beach, or watching a moving at home without the kids. As long as we are together spending quality time, just the two of us a few times a week, we've reached our goal.

Spending time alone as a mom is also super important, especially one's with busy households. Having hobbies that fulfill and replenish us helps to center us and make us happier parents. Make sure to build it into your daily routine to ensure you get that time you need for yourself.

I personally enjoy browsing through bookstores, visiting museums, reading on the beach, etc. Basically things that are calming and pleasant. I've recently begun painting with watercolor pencils... and blogging.

I hope my blog has helped provide you with some useful tools for your family. Please comment and share with me what tools you have in your "family toolbox".

Web Resources:

The Peaceful Mom

Simple Homeschool (Advice & Resource)

Homeschooling 101: What Is Homeschooling?

Should I Homeschool Or Not? Part One (and here's part two)

The Best Homeschool Resources Online

Finding Freedom In My Hamster Ball

“I think somehow we learn who we really are and then we live with that decision.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

I was bothered several months ago when my husband made it very clear to me that he thought I wasn't getting enough time alone. He then elaborated that I was a happier person when I spent more time doing things by myself. He further clarified that he meant... without the kids... or him. He was right, but that's not what bothered me. It was the knowledge of it that made me feel bad. It just sounded so anti-social. It was then I realized I viewed my needing more alone time "than the average person" as a personal defect.

I suppose it was because for years growing up I've heard more times than I can count that I didn't talk enough, that I needed to be more social, make more friends... and it was true. But as a child I just enjoyed thinking and daydreaming more than chit chatting, and reading books more than attending birthday parties. Even when I went to parties, I preferred talking to adults more than kids my own age. I thought their conversations were way more interesting. 

Growing up in a very social family made me feel even more at odds with myself. And to make matters worse, most of my interests were very different from the rest of my family's. My siblings sometimes joked that I must have been adopted. If I didn't look so much like my parents I would have believed them. 

I did try to be more social (with the help of my parents) by taking music lessons, participating in the school band, taking dance classes, joining the track team... I even joined the debate team in high school, which turned out to be a mistake. But I somehow managed to talk my debate teacher into letting me do most of the research. I got an A in the class thanks to my good research skills (my classmates hated doing it). I don't remember doing hardly any debating though.

Fast forward to today....  

Thanks to my parent's prodding, I possess above average social skills and I've turned out to be a pretty decent public speaker... but a social butterfly I am not. Though I have fooled many people into thinking I enjoy being social, I still hate large parties, panic when the phone rings and prefer daydreaming and reading to hanging out with the girls.  

Basically, as an adult nothing had changed. And my ability to be social left me even more confused. I had the skills, so what in the world was wrong with me?

Well, it turns out, absolutely nothing. I was just born an introvert. New research proves that temperament is inherited, hardwired into our brains while we are being formed in the  womb and it cannot be changed! 

For Christians, this discovery shouldn't be a surprise. God's Word makes it clear in Psalms 139 that He makes no mistakes, we are all fearfully and wonderfully made by our Creator and all of His works are wonderful! In light of that fact, I decided to stop trying to change myself and learn more about introversion. 

What I discovered was so simple, that I was amazed at how long I had lived in the dark regarding my own temperament. To my husbands credit, he had figured it out some time ago, but somehow it had alluded me. Finally, it made sense why I didn't crave a lot of social interaction. 

It's all about energy...

It's where you receive your energy that determines whether you are introverted or extroverted. For me to explain this better, I should start at the beginning with temperament hardwiring.

Temperament hardwiring is best explained in The Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D., and according to her book, Introverts get the energy they need to function differently than Extroverts. I'll attempt to explain this in layman's terms.

The Extrovert brain needs plenty of stimuli in order to make the dopamine it needs to function at it's best. That's why Extroverts are happiest and more efficient when they receive stimulus from outside themselves. Their brains need lots of socialization. 

However, an Introverted brain (like mine) makes it's own dopamine. It doesn't need a lot of additional stimulation to make it work better. Because we Introverts get more stimulation on a daily basis than our brains actually need, our nervous system has a tendency to become overwhelmed which makes us feel drained a lot of the time.

The example of being tickled might help Extroverts understand what Introverts deal with constantly. Tickling is fun at first, but too much tickling (stimulation) for too long becomes quickly annoying and draining. That's why after being with people for any length of time, Introverts need time alone to "recharge". That's why large parties are so draining for us. I personally get really drained when I'm out shopping which is why I shop online whenever I can.

Basically,  any place where there is a lot of stimulation (lots of people moving and talking, loud music, etc.) can make an Introvert become drained very quickly. This cute and entertaining video, Party Survival Guide For Introverts, does a great job of explaining it. 

Contrary to what most people think, Introversion has nothing to do with shyness. Shyness is social anxiety; an extreme self-consciousness when one is around people.  It is not an issue of energy, it is a lack of confidence in social situations. 

Shyness is not who you are (like Introversion), it is what you think other people think you are which makes it responsive to a behavior change, that's why Extroverts and Introverts can both suffer from shyness. Matter of fact, Extroverts who need to be with others to refuel can suffer greatly if they are shy.

So why are Introverts sometimes quiet even with just a few people around you may ask? Good question. 

We make a chemical called acetycholine whenever we uses the part of our brain that controls thinking, planning and contemplating. This chemical is important because it helps an introverted brain store energy. It helps Introverts not feel drained all the time! This is why introverts may seem quiet. It's not that we are anti-social (though some can be), but because we have to think so much. Thinking helps recharge us! 

Here are more ways Introverts can recharge...

reading

listening to music or an audio book

sleeping (especially after a party)

exercise (particularly walking, running or hiking)

driving around

watching a movie

writing

praying and meditating

daydreaming

doing absolutely nothing (my personal favorite)

Being introspective doesn't mean we introverts never have conversations. It's just that our conversations are generally about ideas and concepts, not about what we consider trivial matters. We have limited energy, so we don't want to waste it on small talk or gossip. We prefer topics that make us think so that we can be recharged. That may explain why many times the conversation going on in my head seem better than the ones happening around me!

Thinking a lot comes with an upside. Introverts make up 60% of the gifted population, the higher the giftedness the higher the percentage. But there are negatives, too. Because we only make up about 30-45% of the general population we are outnumbered and forced to behave like extroverts, many times to the detriment of our mental wellness, physical health (over-stimulation over a long period of time can be damaging to our nervous system) and eventually our self-esteem.

So maybe you're reading this right now and thinking, "Boy, this sounds a lot like me!" Well then, you may be an Introvert, too! A personality test I highly recommend that measures introversion is called the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. This is one of the most accurate personality tests I've ever taken. I discovered that my personality type (INTJ) is one of the rarest types, only 2 % of the population, and females make up only 0.8%. This site was helpful and did a pretty good job at explaining me to... well, me. 

You can take a version of the MBTI test by clicking www.16personalities.com for free. Be prepared to get your socks blown off... it's eerily accurate. Here is a quick Myers-Briggs and Productivity video which shows how to work with your personality to be more productive at school and work.

It may be interesting to know that Sir Isaac Newton, Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein, Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Bill Gates, Steven Spielberg and Michael Jordan are well-known Introverts who have left a lasting impact on our society. There are even many famous actors and performers who classify themselves as Introverts, too. We are everywhere! 

I hope reading this blog has helped some of my introverted brothers and sisters to understand and appreciate their temperament instead of cursing it. And to all my extroverted brothers and sisters, I hope reading this has helped demystify our temperament for you. But just in case it hasn't, maybe this helpful comic will.

So now you know... and as they say, knowledge is power!

More Books & Web Media on Introversion:

Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture By Adam S. McHugh

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking By Susan Cain